All My Peccadilloes...

Day 1

Natasha — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 22:57:03 +0000

Here we go!

Witch, oh witch, where are you hiding?

Natasha — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 03:24:06 +0000

Typical… Never shows up when you want it to. STILL waiting to start.

The Crazy Bus

Natasha — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 12:31:02 +0000

This is, and always has been an infertility blog.

I’m still in the trenches, fighting the battle… I just can’t work out if I’m winning or losing the war.

We’re getting back on the bus… The pills start when the witch arrives.

Apparently I am actually insane, because the optimism is creeping in.

It’s almost louder than the raging, blinding terror. Almost.

Day-to-day

Natasha — Mon, 10 Jan 2011 11:41:39 +0000

Not much happening around here at the moment. We’re going away camping on Thursday, so we’re slowly getting organised for that.

Most days are starting late, and finishing late. It takes me only a couple of days of holidays to become nocturnal, so by mid January my preferred sleeping patterns are almost completely reversed.

It’s a funny old summer here, rainy, humid, and very mild. I’d have that over crazy 40+ days any time, but it is a bit odd.

On the diet front, I’m getting rather sick of salads, so i think I’ll spend tomorrow gathering some tasty ones off the net.

The big dilemma is, when we go camping, what to eat then? Half the fun of camping is cooking up delicious meals! And having tasty snacks! What to do, what to do…

Yep, huge issues to deliberate here.

Checking in

Natasha — Sun, 09 Jan 2011 08:34:13 +0000

Three days in.

I actually feel really good!
Felt like I’d been hit by a bus this morning, just so lethargic, but I came good as the day went on.

I’ve knocked off about 2kg in 3 days, and I’m feeling better in myself. Have been working hard at the gym.

It feels good to be fueling my body with healthy food, and working out with some semblance of regularity. Just need to keep it up!

The one with the unpleasant drugs, part the 58th

Natasha — Fri, 07 Jan 2011 19:15:27 +0000

It’s been a while since I’ve ranted about drugs on here!

Metformin and I have a love hate relationship.

I love that it helps me lose weight, and kills my sugar cravings, but it hates my guts. Literally.

I’m on the XR, which is supposedly meant to be gentler on the tummy, but I’ve never found that. In the past (this is my third time starting on it) I’ve found that rather than dragging it out with a staggered dosage, I’m better to just go straight to full dosage, and hope my body catches up quickly.

The things we do…

Moving forward

Natasha — Fri, 07 Jan 2011 11:56:14 +0000

So I’ve realised there were a couple of people that were
actually following my blog back in late ’09 early ’10 – thanks for
the welcome back!! I am trying to be more regular here (I’m
basically surgically attached to my phone, so I might as well put
it to good use!) although the once a day thing isn’t turning out so
well (some days just aren’t that interesting!). So one of the goals
this year was weight loss. Now like most people, I’ve had around,
oh 753 attempts at losing weight, all of which have basically
failed. I realised in early October that I was at my heaviest
weight ever. (leftover ivf weight, then months of emotionally
eating myself to whale like proportions) I also decided that I
wasn’t prepared to do Ivf again until I had lost a significant
amount. I got back on the metformin (ugh) joined a gym and started
being careful with food, and I actually lost about 8ish kg over
about 6 weeks. Then (excuses ahead!) reports, Christmas, holidays,
blah blah blah happened and I stopped being so careful, stopped the
met (after getting a 6 week long cold flu thing) and stopped gym. I
put on about 4 of those lost 8kg’s. My mum has being doing Tony
Ferguson for a couple of months, and has had some success (which is
great, because she is about as good at sticking to “diets” as me!)
- so I thought I’d give it a go. I do have some reservations about
meal replacement programs, but I know they work in the short term
at least, so even if I can shift a percentage of this weight
pre-Ivf, that has to be a good thing. When I went to find out about
it, I was pleasantly surprised. They have a specific program for
pcos sufferers and what looks like a good education &
maintenance program. I signed up there and then. I’m back on the
Met, and we went back to the gym. Now to work toward that other
goal: consistency.

Holidays

Natasha — Wed, 05 Jan 2011 12:08:58 +0000

Are blissful. An hard earned. Had a brilliant evening in
the city last night, but have discovered at the age of 27 that I am
highly allergic to mosquito bites. That, or the mozzies have
suddenly turned radioactive.

The decade that was

Natasha — Mon, 03 Jan 2011 15:43:38 +0000

I’ve seen this floating around, and thought it might be fun 2000 – I start the year in the city, at Southbank, with millions
of other people, getting up to minor mischief. VCE begins, and I
start doing very well. My 17th birthday becomes a crazy drunken
affair, but very very entertaining. I fall head over heels for a
‘bad boy’ in my year, and we have this intense, but perfectly
platonic relationship. In august, I get sick, first with the flu,
then chicken pox. End up failing chemistry, but do very well in
everything else. 2001 – year 12. Become inaugural music captain.
Attain my queens guide award. Decide to cut back on work after I
turn 18, to ‘focus on my studies’ (really, I just hated the job).
Remember watching Rove one Tuesday night in September on my new TV
in my room, “studying” for a SAC the next morning. News break comes
over, CNN footage shows the second plane hitting the twin towers.
Watched all through the night, and listened on the radio in class,
doing the SAC the next day. Later, Can distinctly remember going to
the Hallam Pub the night before my psych exam, to see Blair from
Big brother. Ended up getting 43 for that subject, topping the
school as well as in Further Maths. Get into Primary Education at
uni of choice. 2002. Started uni. Feel like social pariah for most
of the year, as I have made no new friends, and school friends have
largely done other things. Travel to uni is a complete cow, and I
move in with my grandparents ‘for six months’ until I can find
share accom that doesn’t have piranhas in the bathroom (I am not
making that up). Get my license on my 19th birthday, and my first
car a month later. Do two short stints in very dodgy retail jobs
(borderline sexual harassment and major food contamination neglect
issues) after leaving Safeway. Nearly fail second semester
subjects, but manage to redeem all but one. Start working at Target
in September. 2003. Finally make some friends at uni camp. Find my
rhythm at uni, and start to do well. Can’t have been a very
interesting year! 2004. Doing really well at uni, but convinced I
will be single for rest of life. My 21st birthday, a ‘purple
party’. Have minor car prang, which costs a fortune to rectify.
Have an awesome placement at a secondary college. 2005. Final year
of uni commences, research project starts. Go on a couple of
Internet dates. Still convinced of perpetual singledom. Do an
amazing subject at uni that allows me to do a couple of outdoor Ed
trips, one to the Grampians, one to the Bogong High Plains. Have my
final placement, which is awful, due to major personality clash
with superviser). Almost fail, but amazing person from uni sorts it
out. In September, meet someone who I fall for in a big way, and we
have an intense, but “complicated” relationship (he’s newly
separated from wife of 3 years, heart broken, damaged, I’m
convinced I can fix everything) ‘relationship’ officially lasts
only a month, but continues for much longer. Last couple of months
are ridiculously stressful – I’m trying to manage all this exciting
new boy stuff with all the boring uni stuff, knowing that I’m not
far away from being forcefully ejected into the real world. Finish
uni, job interview in December, which I am appointed to within a
couple of hours. 2006. Start teaching. Hate. Every. Minute. Spend
most of first term screaming at awful children, crying when I come
home. Seriously doubt self to very core of being. Eventually
toughen up and while things don’t necessarily get better, I learn
to manage. Move out of Grandparents house, into pink flat in smelly
building, in scary neighborhood. Finally split with Mr Complicated
himself. Early September, go to friend’s party. Meet someone. Tell
mum on the phone the next day, in whispered tones from another room
that ‘I’ve met someone special’. October, after the second time my
car has been broken into and the cops tell me ‘this is one of the
worst streets in melbourne’ then proceed to point out where all the
crims live (every second house!); that special someone moves in
(and fears for his life every minute!). My contract isn’t renewed,
and I decide to CRT. 2007. Late January, I decide on a whim to put
in an application at a secondary college. Interview day before
Australia day, start the day after. In June, we finally escape from
horrid apartment, and move to gorgeous unit by the beach.
September, get a cat, October, get a puppy. December, get engaged.
2008. Holiday to Sydney, Wedding plans. Awesome work colleagues,
great kids. New car. Broke, but happy. Niece is born. Cluck, cluck,
cluck. 2009. Wedding planning frenzy, the most stressful aspect
being lack of money. Finally the big day arrives, and is perfect in
every way. Amazing Honeymoon. Arrive home glowing with newlywed
happiness, then realise we have to move in with family to be able
to survive, financially. Mr G gets a new job, 200k’s away, the week
after we return. Move in with IL’s. Hard. Work is absolutely awful
- children from hell, no support. July, we attempt our first (and
only) IUI cycle. Fails miserably. Devastated after being so sure it
would work. Have to move out of IL’s for everyones sanity. Move
back in with grandparents. September, tax man is kind, book for
IVF. Which works. December, I miscarry. 2010. First few months
spent in a haze of emotional wreckage. All my friends are having
babies. Literally. Heartbroken. April, our first anniversary, we
spend travelling in Tassie. Slowly, the haze lifts. Work, while
frustrating, is satisfying. May, launch photography business, which
is slow but satisfying. Busy, but finally able to say I’m happy
again. What a decade!

Best of intentions

Natasha — Sun, 02 Jan 2011 00:08:53 +0000

I started with the best of intentions. Not only was I going to revive and stick to my project 365, but I was going to blog *something* every day.

I’m not going to navel gaze on 2010, other than to say that it was, ultimately, better than 2009. I am in an infinitely better head space than the one I was in 12 months ago.

So those good intentions… Hmm, well after an awesome NYE at the beach, with a delicious gourmet picnic dinner, swimming for the first time this summer, and fun times with Mr G; yesterday morning I came down with some kind of crazy food poisoning. All kinds of awesome, I can assure you. It’s nearly midday on Jan 2, and I just ate for the first time this year.

So this year… Not ‘resolutions’, but goals….

1. More consistency. I have these bursts of wonderful adult like behaviour, cooking, cleaning, paying bills, living healthy. Then, I don’t know, I get bored or something, and fall back into old habits. This year I want to improve that, and live more positively, and consistently.

2. Take time to stop, breathe, and do things for me. Reading, my own photography, writing more. Find that elusive work-life balance.

3. Get healthy. We’re not cycling again until my body and our finances are healthier. Need to work on that. Back on the meds, off the chocolate, back at the gym. Enough said.

I think it will be a good year.