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Mondayitis December 22, 2009

Posted by Natasha in miscarriage.
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I know it’s Tuesday.

I read last week that Mondays seem to be a risk factor for heart attacks.

It seems odd, and yet, I get it.

Mondays hit me the hardest. Yesterday should have been 6 weeks. Should have been.

It’s self torture, but I can’t stop it.

I walk around the shops, I see the women with their bellies, I stare at them, ravenously, filled with an envy I’ve never known before.

I crane my neck to stare into prams, watch the little children toddling along beside their parents.

I can’t stop it.

Mr G said to me last night, as I was having a teary walking around the shopping centre, that I need to stop thinking about it, I need to move on.

I know it’s different for him. I get that he didn’t get to have my exact experience.

But he doesn’t understand, reminders are *everywhere*.

And I can’t stop it.

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Comments»

1. Rach - December 22, 2009

Honey men will never ever get it, well maybe the very odd occasional one but most do not.

Big hugs, I soooo get what you said about reminders and the more you try to avoid them, the easier they find you.

xxxxx

2. jill - December 23, 2009

Oh the reminders are terrible – I do the same thing re: looking into strollers and noticing every pregnant woman who gets within 100 ft of me.

I’ve never had a miscarriage though, so I can’t begin to imagine what you’re going through. Sending supportive thoughts.

3. lily - December 24, 2009

i know how you feel, been through it, i hope things only go up from here, ICLW hugs!

4. Jlynn - December 24, 2009

I know that there really aren’t any words that can make the pain go away… but know that we are thinking of you and wishing you the best. I hope 2010 brings you lots of happiness.
~ICLW

5. Half of a Duo, Raising a Duo - December 25, 2009

Girly girly girly. You will never move on. IF/being barren is as much a part of you as IDK, your eyes that see, lips that kiss, heart that hurts and loves.

Don’t give up though.

Take it from the old grey lady. ICLW here spreading hope.

A mama of fraternal twin sons via surrogacy, at the age of 46. Now nearly 48. Slammin’ mama to boot!

BTW you will never get over the preggo bellies. They are an affront to our barren and infertile sensibilities b/c most preggos take their fertility for granted.

hugs sweetie!

6. Half of a Duo, Raising a Duo - December 26, 2009

I was you three years ago.

Please keep the faith. Men process grief and loss so differently. They tend to push it down and bury themselves in work. I know mine did.

Blessings to you in the new year, ICLW!

7. WifeyC - December 27, 2009

Keep positive. Men handle things differently than women. Don’t bury your emotions, but remember to keep a positive outlook on the future. The journey we all go on is bumpy and filled with tears and pain. But the miracle at the end is worth the journey. Hang in there!

ICLW

8. C h i r l e e n - December 29, 2009

I completely understand. A family member was telling me a story yesterday about a friend of her’s who’s daughter never wanted children and now she’s 4 months pregnant. She wanted to have an abortion but her family wouldn’t allow it. She finally said it was crazy she’d feel that way when there are people who would love to have that child. She knows my problems. Why talk about things like that around me?? It’s not just men that have this problem. It’s anybody who has never been through what we’re going through.

ICLW

9. Kelly - January 18, 2010

I understand all too well the pain you’re describing. I’m so sorry you have to go through this. (((HUGS)))

ICLW


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