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Not a good day to play the ‘should have been’s March 24, 2010

Posted by Natasha in Uncategorized.

I have had a shitty month at work. I got royally screwed again when my awesome teaching partner had to move to fill a vacancy that they didn’t want to fill externally (because why would you replace someone who resigned??). I got left with a complete leech of a teaching partner. This woman is so lazy and incompetent that she expects me to do all of her work for her. She is a top of the range leading teacher, but apparently that doesn’t actually mean she’s any good.

I got Jack of it, applied for another job, interviewed, and got the knock back this morning. It went to an assistant principal who is moving from interstate.

This in itself doesn’t bother me. I know that among a different field of applicants, the situation would be different, and I would probably have gotten it. I’ve only been at this gig 4.25 years, fair enough that experience should win.

The thing that shits me is that now on stuck with this idiot woman.

And sitting on the couch, I started thinking.

This shouldn’t matter. This should be my last term in that hell hole before maternity leave.

Then I realised, that if our first cycle has worked, I should be about 35 weeks. I should be going on maternity leave right now.

There it is… March 24, 2010

Posted by Natasha in Uncategorized.

That feeling of normality.

I am forcing myself to visit with *that* friend tomorrow night. The “Whoops” one.

She’s about to pop any day.

I had an awful dream the other night that I went to visit her and bub in the hospital, and she told me I should go, because I hadn’t been around for the ladst nine months. Now I doubt that this would happen, but it shook me. So as an exercise in… Something… (Self torture? Healing? I don’t know)… I am meeting with her tomorrow. For the first time since she announced she was pregnant.

One of my friends told me today that his surrogate is finally pregnant after her 3rd IVF. She had an early loss after their last one. I am thrilled for them. And there isn’t a hint of bitterness there. Because he gets it.

Maybe I’m not so awful after all.

But I’m still not going to that baby shower.

Horrible March 18, 2010

Posted by Natasha in Uncategorized.

I am a horrible person.

I just worked out that at least 20 babies will have either been born since mid last year, or in the next 6 months, to friends and colleagues. And I don’t know that many people.

And I can’t find a shred of true happiness for any of them.

Tashology March 1, 2010

Posted by Natasha in Uncategorized.

Haven’t felt much like blogging.

Got lost inside my own head, and I’m struggling to find my way out.

It’s very, very dark in here.


The post title, I just remembered, is because I saw this yesterday, and thought something along the lines of “Huh, I really should dust off the blog”

Signed in on Shiny New PC, wrote the title, and got distracted.

Signed back in the morning, along much the same thought-lines, and wrote the above.

Now, for what I had intended to do





What is your salad dressing of choice? Cabrini’s Caesar Salad Dressing

What is your favorite sit-down restuarant? Hmm, tough one… I am surrounded by amazing restaurants, so much so that I don’t have a ‘favourite’, because then I feel like I’m missing out on all the others.

What is your favorite fast food restaurant? Those pasta places in food courts.

What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of? Ski D’Lite Peach & Mango Yoghurt.

What are your pizza toppings of choice? Meat lovers + BBQ sauce & Pineapple.

How many televisions are in your house? 2

What color cell phone do you have? Black in a grey skin.


Are you right-handed or left-handed? Right, with the tendency to do random things with my left.

Have you ever had anything removed from your body? 4 Teeth. In the chair. With no anaesthetic. 2 eggs. With lots of anaesthetic. Hard to say which was more traumatic.

What is the last heavy item you lifted?  A bix-ass box of books, projector, speakers and laptop, while carrying it to my classroom.

Have you ever been knocked unconscious? Nope

Have you ever fainted? Almost, after donating plasma. (I should add to the ‘removed from body’ section – lots and lots and lots of blood)


If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? No way.

If you could change your name, what would you change it to? I love my name. It’s the only thing I have that my Dad gave me.

How many pairs of flip flops do you own? 3

Last person you talked to? Mr G.


Season? Spring

Holiday? Ordinarily, Christmas. After 2009, maybe not so much.

Day of the week? Friday @ 3:10- never any more weekend left than that moment!

Month? September

Colour? Teal/Sapphire/Peacock Blue

Drink? Milo

Alcoholic? Sauv Blanc or Fruity Lexia


Missing someone? Yes.

What are you listening to? Radiohead

What are you watching? Nothing. I don’t remember the last time I turned the TV on.

Worrying about?  IVF, whether we’re ‘ok’ to start trying again.

What’s the last movie you saw? Ummmm. Oh, Avatar. Loved it.

Do you smile often? Not as much, recently.

If you could change your eye color what would it be? Blue-Green

What’s on your wish list for your birthday? Being pregnant.

Can you do a chin-up? Nope

Does the future make you more nervous or excited? Bit of both, depending on why you’re asking.

Have you been in a car wreck? Yes, but not a bad one.

Have you caused a car wreck? I ran up someone’s arse, does that count?

Do you have an accent? Does Auuuuus-traaaaal-yan count?

Last time you cried? Earlier today.

Plans tonight? Hoping hoping hoping The Husband comes home.

Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom? Yes.

Name three things you bought yesterday? Pfff. A Car, a computer, lunch.

Have you met someone who changed your life? Many people. Everyone I consider important in my life, has changed it in some way.

For the better or worse? For everything.

How did you bring in the New Year? Lol, huddled in our car, sheltering from Massive Rain Storm NYE ’09-’10, which later proceeded to turn the bottom of our tent into a waterbed.

Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? Yes.

What songs do you sing in the shower? Paul Dempsey, lately.

Have you held hands with someone today? No

Who was the last person you took a picture of? Zappy, does that count?

Are most of the friends in your life new or old? Old

Do you like pulpy orange juice? Geuh, I don’t like Orange Juice at all.

Last time you ate peanut butter and jelly? I never have. But now I really want to.

What were you doing at 12 a.m. last night? Sleeping.

What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? Holy hell, what time is it. (It was very, very early)