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There it is… March 24, 2010

Posted by Natasha in Uncategorized.

That feeling of normality.

I am forcing myself to visit with *that* friend tomorrow night. The “Whoops” one.

She’s about to pop any day.

I had an awful dream the other night that I went to visit her and bub in the hospital, and she told me I should go, because I hadn’t been around for the ladst nine months. Now I doubt that this would happen, but it shook me. So as an exercise in… Something… (Self torture? Healing? I don’t know)… I am meeting with her tomorrow. For the first time since she announced she was pregnant.

One of my friends told me today that his surrogate is finally pregnant after her 3rd IVF. She had an early loss after their last one. I am thrilled for them. And there isn’t a hint of bitterness there. Because he gets it.

Maybe I’m not so awful after all.

But I’m still not going to that baby shower.



1. jill - March 24, 2010

Wishing you luck. It’s bound to be difficult but I hope you end up having a good time 🙂

2. Willow - March 26, 2010

I avoid pregnant friends whenever I can. I only saw my BFF once when she was pregnant because we live far apart, but even though I usually only see her once a year, I didn’t take a single picture with her during that visit. I was in the midst of a miscarriage and couldn’t bear to have her pregnant belly pop up in my photo albums later. Now I’m sad that I don’t have a single pregnant picture of her, but at the time I just couldn’t handle it. I totally understand feeling happy for friends who struggled to conceive but not so much for those who didn’t. Partly because those who tried harder get what I’m going through, and partly because I feel like they deserve it more–like, it’s not easy for me, so why should it be for anyone else?! I hope the meetup went well. I’d have trouble with it too.

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