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She’s here April 14, 2010

Posted by Natasha in Uncategorized.
1 comment so far

And I bet I’m the only person on earth who feels sad because of it. Happy, but the tears are sad ones.

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A year April 8, 2010

Posted by Natasha in Uncategorized.
2 comments

As of Monday just gone, I have been married to my wonderful husband for one year.

The last year has been… Well… Difficult.

Less than a week after returning from our honeymoon, we received a letter from our real estate agent telling us we were so behind on our rent (a grand total of about 10 days – because we had just gotten back from the most expensive week of our lives!) that if we didn’t pay within 24 hours, we would be evicted. We did pay. But we also realised that we couldn’t keep going like this. Our house had been sold from under us in the week before the wedding, and we were sick of it. We decided to move in with my new in-laws.

That week, Mr G started his new job, after having been out of work for around 3 months, and unreliable part-time before that. He was required to be 250km away from home 3 nights a week.

I was commuting 100 km each day, to a workplace I hate(d – still do), to ‘teach’ kids who were out of control.

In July, we did our first round of IUI. Convinced it would work, I was devastated when it failed. I found out my close friend was pregnant with an Oh Crap.

I taught myself to sew, and threw myself into my photography.

September, we had had enough of the constant tension with the In-Laws, and moved for the second time that year. The 4th time in 4 years.

Late October, we commenced IVF. I found out my best friend was pregnant.

I fell pregnant (saying it like that makes it sound like an accident).

In early December, I miscarried.

A week later, my grandma ended up in hospital with a suspected stroke. She was ok, but it shook my to my already very fragile core.

We went on holiday, to try and recover. Went camping with friends, who, it turns out, are expecting a baby in August.

In Febrary, we have dinner with those same friends, and honestly, it leads me to have a bit of a breakdown. I realise that my 3-month long mumph isn’t normal, that I hate myself and what I have become – a bitter, angry, jealous, baby obsessed shadow of myself.

I seek counselling. Which is more helpful than I could ever have imagined.

Slowly, the darkness lifts.

April. Our year draws to a close. I plan a holiday to Tasmania for myself and the man who has been by my side for every bump of this crazy journey. I don’t know how I have been lucky enough to find him, but I am so glad that I did. Because every day, he helps me find myself again.

I know that our first year of marriage was nothing like we expected, but it just shows how strong we actually are.

And the best is yet to come.