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It Is Time November 9, 2012

Posted by Natasha in Finally Pregnant!, Life.
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Today is our baby’s birthday.

He’s not here yet but he will be soon.

I’ll share more soon.

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6w6d April 8, 2012

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It has been a very busy few days!

Thursday was our third wedding anniversary. Mr G spoiled me rotten, with beautiful flowers and delicious chocolates. But did I have a surprise planned for him!

For the Royal Children’s Hospital Good Friday Appeal, Qantas donated a number of ‘mystery flights’ – so I purchased a trip for Mr G and I! So off to Mysterious Adelaide we went! We spent the day doing a lot of walking and sightseeing. Highlights included seeing the Pandas and Primates at the zoo, and wandering through the botanic gardens. We were only in town for the day however, so headed back early in the evening. The flight back was rough due to turbulence, but with a full moon, thunderstorms and stunning cloud formations, it was a visual treat! Spectacular!

I struggled without my nap, and slept most of Saturday. Today we had a family Easter lunch, followed by a tour of the maternity hospital, where, all going well, we will deliver our baby. I had kind of hoped that it would suddenly feel a lot more ‘real’… But it doesn’t. There was a tiny premmie in the SCN… Hard to believe that a baby can be so small. I think I’m happy with our choice to deliver there – they seem quite holistic, and the facilities seem good. My only surprise was that despite having a great big bath in the delivery suite, you can’t use it once your water has broken. The only reason I would be inclined to change would be if I had complications that indicated I might deliver before 33 weeks – because that would result in the baby being taken to the local tertiary hospital (and separated from me).

Tomorrow we have another family lunch, and then I really need to get my arse into gear and do some Uni work!

Moving forward January 7, 2011

Posted by Natasha in Exercise, Food, Life, Uncategorized.
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So I’ve realised there were a couple of people that were
actually following my blog back in late ’09 early ’10 – thanks for
the welcome back!! I am trying to be more regular here (I’m
basically surgically attached to my phone, so I might as well put
it to good use!) although the once a day thing isn’t turning out so
well (some days just aren’t that interesting!). So one of the goals
this year was weight loss. Now like most people, I’ve had around,
oh 753 attempts at losing weight, all of which have basically
failed. I realised in early October that I was at my heaviest
weight ever. (leftover ivf weight, then months of emotionally
eating myself to whale like proportions) I also decided that I
wasn’t prepared to do Ivf again until I had lost a significant
amount. I got back on the metformin (ugh) joined a gym and started
being careful with food, and I actually lost about 8ish kg over
about 6 weeks. Then (excuses ahead!) reports, Christmas, holidays,
blah blah blah happened and I stopped being so careful, stopped the
met (after getting a 6 week long cold flu thing) and stopped gym. I
put on about 4 of those lost 8kg’s. My mum has being doing Tony
Ferguson for a couple of months, and has had some success (which is
great, because she is about as good at sticking to “diets” as me!)
– so I thought I’d give it a go. I do have some reservations about
meal replacement programs, but I know they work in the short term
at least, so even if I can shift a percentage of this weight
pre-Ivf, that has to be a good thing. When I went to find out about
it, I was pleasantly surprised. They have a specific program for
pcos sufferers and what looks like a good education &
maintenance program. I signed up there and then. I’m back on the
Met, and we went back to the gym. Now to work toward that other
goal: consistency.

Holidays January 5, 2011

Posted by Natasha in Life, News and Drivel, Uncategorized.
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Are blissful. An hard earned. Had a brilliant evening in
the city last night, but have discovered at the age of 27 that I am
highly allergic to mosquito bites. That, or the mozzies have
suddenly turned radioactive.

The decade that was January 4, 2011

Posted by Natasha in Life.
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I’ve seen this floating around, and thought it might be fun
🙂 2000 – I start the year in the city, at Southbank, with millions
of other people, getting up to minor mischief. VCE begins, and I
start doing very well. My 17th birthday becomes a crazy drunken
affair, but very very entertaining. I fall head over heels for a
‘bad boy’ in my year, and we have this intense, but perfectly
platonic relationship. In august, I get sick, first with the flu,
then chicken pox. End up failing chemistry, but do very well in
everything else. 2001 – year 12. Become inaugural music captain.
Attain my queens guide award. Decide to cut back on work after I
turn 18, to ‘focus on my studies’ (really, I just hated the job).
Remember watching Rove one Tuesday night in September on my new TV
in my room, “studying” for a SAC the next morning. News break comes
over, CNN footage shows the second plane hitting the twin towers.
Watched all through the night, and listened on the radio in class,
doing the SAC the next day. Later, Can distinctly remember going to
the Hallam Pub the night before my psych exam, to see Blair from
Big brother. Ended up getting 43 for that subject, topping the
school as well as in Further Maths. Get into Primary Education at
uni of choice. 2002. Started uni. Feel like social pariah for most
of the year, as I have made no new friends, and school friends have
largely done other things. Travel to uni is a complete cow, and I
move in with my grandparents ‘for six months’ until I can find
share accom that doesn’t have piranhas in the bathroom (I am not
making that up). Get my license on my 19th birthday, and my first
car a month later. Do two short stints in very dodgy retail jobs
(borderline sexual harassment and major food contamination neglect
issues) after leaving Safeway. Nearly fail second semester
subjects, but manage to redeem all but one. Start working at Target
in September. 2003. Finally make some friends at uni camp. Find my
rhythm at uni, and start to do well. Can’t have been a very
interesting year! 2004. Doing really well at uni, but convinced I
will be single for rest of life. My 21st birthday, a ‘purple
party’. Have minor car prang, which costs a fortune to rectify.
Have an awesome placement at a secondary college. 2005. Final year
of uni commences, research project starts. Go on a couple of
Internet dates. Still convinced of perpetual singledom. Do an
amazing subject at uni that allows me to do a couple of outdoor Ed
trips, one to the Grampians, one to the Bogong High Plains. Have my
final placement, which is awful, due to major personality clash
with superviser). Almost fail, but amazing person from uni sorts it
out. In September, meet someone who I fall for in a big way, and we
have an intense, but “complicated” relationship (he’s newly
separated from wife of 3 years, heart broken, damaged, I’m
convinced I can fix everything) ‘relationship’ officially lasts
only a month, but continues for much longer. Last couple of months
are ridiculously stressful – I’m trying to manage all this exciting
new boy stuff with all the boring uni stuff, knowing that I’m not
far away from being forcefully ejected into the real world. Finish
uni, job interview in December, which I am appointed to within a
couple of hours. 2006. Start teaching. Hate. Every. Minute. Spend
most of first term screaming at awful children, crying when I come
home. Seriously doubt self to very core of being. Eventually
toughen up and while things don’t necessarily get better, I learn
to manage. Move out of Grandparents house, into pink flat in smelly
building, in scary neighborhood. Finally split with Mr Complicated
himself. Early September, go to friend’s party. Meet someone. Tell
mum on the phone the next day, in whispered tones from another room
that ‘I’ve met someone special’. October, after the second time my
car has been broken into and the cops tell me ‘this is one of the
worst streets in melbourne’ then proceed to point out where all the
crims live (every second house!); that special someone moves in
(and fears for his life every minute!). My contract isn’t renewed,
and I decide to CRT. 2007. Late January, I decide on a whim to put
in an application at a secondary college. Interview day before
Australia day, start the day after. In June, we finally escape from
horrid apartment, and move to gorgeous unit by the beach.
September, get a cat, October, get a puppy. December, get engaged.
2008. Holiday to Sydney, Wedding plans. Awesome work colleagues,
great kids. New car. Broke, but happy. Niece is born. Cluck, cluck,
cluck. 2009. Wedding planning frenzy, the most stressful aspect
being lack of money. Finally the big day arrives, and is perfect in
every way. Amazing Honeymoon. Arrive home glowing with newlywed
happiness, then realise we have to move in with family to be able
to survive, financially. Mr G gets a new job, 200k’s away, the week
after we return. Move in with IL’s. Hard. Work is absolutely awful
– children from hell, no support. July, we attempt our first (and
only) IUI cycle. Fails miserably. Devastated after being so sure it
would work. Have to move out of IL’s for everyones sanity. Move
back in with grandparents. September, tax man is kind, book for
IVF. Which works. December, I miscarry. 2010. First few months
spent in a haze of emotional wreckage. All my friends are having
babies. Literally. Heartbroken. April, our first anniversary, we
spend travelling in Tassie. Slowly, the haze lifts. Work, while
frustrating, is satisfying. May, launch photography business, which
is slow but satisfying. Busy, but finally able to say I’m happy
again. What a decade!

Best of intentions January 2, 2011

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I started with the best of intentions. Not only was I going to revive and stick to my project 365, but I was going to blog *something* every day.

I’m not going to navel gaze on 2010, other than to say that it was, ultimately, better than 2009. I am in an infinitely better head space than the one I was in 12 months ago.

So those good intentions… Hmm, well after an awesome NYE at the beach, with a delicious gourmet picnic dinner, swimming for the first time this summer, and fun times with Mr G; yesterday morning I came down with some kind of crazy food poisoning. All kinds of awesome, I can assure you. It’s nearly midday on Jan 2, and I just ate for the first time this year.

So this year… Not ‘resolutions’, but goals….

1. More consistency. I have these bursts of wonderful adult like behaviour, cooking, cleaning, paying bills, living healthy. Then, I don’t know, I get bored or something, and fall back into old habits. This year I want to improve that, and live more positively, and consistently.

2. Take time to stop, breathe, and do things for me. Reading, my own photography, writing more. Find that elusive work-life balance.

3. Get healthy. We’re not cycling again until my body and our finances are healthier. Need to work on that. Back on the meds, off the chocolate, back at the gym. Enough said.

I think it will be a good year.

Make the World Safe Again June 6, 2010

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Ok.

I think that’s finally sorted.

It should be safe again here now.

I am truly sorry to those who I may have force fed anything difficult.

Oops May 29, 2010

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I have realised that in my quest to find something else to do, I may have royally screwed up.

I started a photography business. With a blog. That I just linked to this one. Not realising that any feeds from that blog would automatically go to subcsribers of this one.

And in turn, the photography that I’m struggling the most with, with my bitter and angry ‘I should be where you are’ hat, got thrust onto people who shop at the same hat store.

I’m really sorry.

I will try to fix it, but I’m not sure how.

Regularly scheduled posting will (hopefully) return soon.

What next? December 16, 2009

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My dear Grandma had a stroke this morning. Found her unconscious in bed. Called the ambos, who took her to the hospital. She seems to be ok, is awake and talking, but everyone is very stressed. She’s the healthy one!

Just when I thought I’d seen the last of
Hospitals for a while.

Lost December 15, 2009

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I don’t know how much of this is my aching heart and heavy soul, and how much is real. Hell, I don’t know what’s real anymore.

But I am desperate for a change.

I went from school, to uni, to full time work.

Without a break.

I worked part time, often in two jobs, that whole time. I’m still working two jobs now.

It’s not that I don’t enjoy my job, because while often I hate the daily grind, I enjoy teaching and I believe in it.

But lately (and were talking many months here) the fire has gone.

I work my arse off, with little or no support, for little thanks.

I feel like there should be more. I was elated at the prospect of only being there for a few more months. Stupid me for getting my hopes up. It was partly complete lack of time and energy to focus on anything else, and partly hope that it wouldn’t matter, but I didn’t apply for anything else in the peak period.

So now here I am.

What I would dearly love, is to take a year, study photography, do a cycle or two in peace, and relax (not only because of it’s pregnancy inducing guarantee).

I’ve just had enough of going through the motions. Something has to change. I can feel myself slipping into a rut that threatens to carry me to 35 before I’ve even realized I’m moving.

I could take a year’s leave from my (ongoing) contract, but financially I don’t know what that would mean. Mr G’s contract at his suit job has been extended, and he is ongoing at his woop woop job. We don’t have rent at the moment, and obviously we don’t have any kids. But we do have the financial burden of trying to get pregnant.

What if I took a year, got healthy, and found the spark again?

My soul is itchy, and I want to escape.