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Montage February 5, 2013

Posted by Natasha in motherhood.
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And suddenly, three months have passed February 5, 2013

Posted by Natasha in motherhood.
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How do I even begin to sum up three months in one blog post? I will write a summary and come back with details at a later stage. Hopefully before his first birthday!

Elliott was born by emergency c section at 37+4, on Nov 9th. I had been diagnosed with pregnancy induced hypertension, and was scheduled for induction on Nov 8th. Turns out my body wasn’t quite ready to not be pregnant just yet, because it stubbornly refused to go into labour.  By lunch time on Nov 9th, I was in the early stages of pre eclampsia, so the decision was made to schedule surgery. At 5:14pm, our baby made it earthside, and made me a mother.

Unfortunately, Elliott wasn’t ready to come out yet either, despite being full term, his lungs were immature and he was a sick little baby. He was transferred to a NICU in the city, before I had even had a cuddle.

I begged my doctor the next morning to let me out of bed so I could go see him, and I was allowed to. Loaded with pain meds, I shuffled in to meet my son.

Despite the overwhelming machinery, I could only see my tiny baby.  He was here, and he was safe.

My first cuddle wasn’t until he was two days old, and although belated, is a memory I will cherish until the end of my days. Nothing about this crazy journey had prepared me for that moment of sheer, unadulterated bliss. It was the moment I had waited for.

His first feed a few days later made me determined to succeed with breastfeeding. Unfortunately, true to form, I couldnt will my body to do anything, and my milk never came in. I persisted for four weeks before, heartbroken, I admitted defeat.

Soon after, he came back to his birth hospital, and a few days later we were allowed home together. He is a dream baby, and from the beginning has slept well and seldom cries. I joked that after everything we had been through, that we deserved a bit of a break, but I honestly believe that he is the most precious of rewards.

Elliott is thriving.  He has grown from his 3.8kg birthweight to double this in just 12 weeks. He smiles and chuckles, and chatters away in his precious baby voice, and loves cuddling into my chest. 

My son is here and he has changed the way I see the world.

This is it November 16, 2012

Posted by Natasha in motherhood.
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This it it.

This is why I did it. Why I poked myself with needles, spent all that money, had all those tests, took all those drugs, cried all those tears, waited. Waited. Waited. Tried, tried again. And again.

Because if I hadn’t. If I had ever succumbed to those niggling voices. If I hadn’t forced myself to pick myself up from the depths of despair, if I had given up…

Then I wouldnt be sitting here tonight, snuggling my tiny son to my chest, one week after he was born, spending our first night together, hearing him breathe, feeling him move against my skin, listening to his tiny sighs, squawks and grunts, falling in love with him more and more as each second passes.

I am shedding many more tears tonight. But for the first time, they are tears of relief, and pure, unadulterated joy.

Elliott is here.