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And, fuck March 20, 2012

Posted by Natasha in Finally Pregnant!, IVF.
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Just had some blood – on the TP and in a crinone chunk.

Fuck, not again, please… I don’t think I can do this.

The Magic Number March 20, 2012

Posted by Natasha in Finally Pregnant!, IVF.
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Is 121!!

I’m really pregnant!

The guideline I’ve been given is that they like to see at least 100 on day 16.

Today is day 15, and I’m already over that magic number.

Of course it’s no guarantee, but I am feeling a little more secure.


Completely amazing!



Oh, and for the other POAS junkies, I used a FRER, and counting back to when I saw my very first line, fainter than you can imagine, my HCG would have been at about the 22-25 mark. A lot higher than the 6.3 Google told me, and more like what the manufacturer said!


Beta Day March 20, 2012

Posted by Natasha in Finally Pregnant!, IVF.
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I’m not so scared this morning. Yesterday was pretty horrible – for no real reason that I could ascertain I had this awful feeling that everything was about to go horribly wrong.

I made the (hopefully wise) choice to not POAS this morning, so I’m blissfully unaware of how things are progressing.

I’ve had no cramping, no spotting (although tons of CM which FREAKS ME THE FUCK OUT EVERY TIME!)…

I’m still doing the ‘oh it’s 430 am, must be time to be SO VERY WIDE AWAKE. Quickly followed by READ ALL THE PREGNANCY THINGS. Habit? Anxiety? Hormones? Who knows.

Beta is being drawn in about 90 minutes. Please pray/cross fingers/wish/send vibes/interpretive dance for good news and awesome levels!

Windows December 8, 2009

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Yesterday, before the ‘but’, I had a strange glimpse into an alternate reality.

I looked around me duringĀ  my staff meeting, at the plentiful number of baby bellies, and I didn’t feel… that feeling. The one where my insides twist themselves into little knots. Instead there was something else. It was almost like wonder. It was almost like being normal.



On a side note…

I know I should stop this dirty little habit that I have… I wake up at a ridiculously early hour, and I need my fix. I lay there, thinking about it.

“What if it isn’t as good as before? What if it doesn’t make me feel the way I want it to? Yeah, but what if it’s so good, it makes you forget about everything else?”

And then, because I can’t help myself, I sneak out of bed, trying not to wake my husband, and I do it.

I pee on a stick.

And this morning, although it was still there, the line had faded.