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Days are dragging, weeks are flying. November 15, 2009

Posted by Natasha in Infertility.
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I read a few minutes ago that “we all get our happy endings, its just a matter of when”.

I have trouble believing this.

I’m not sure if I mentioned before, but I have great difficulty reconciling the fact that this might actually work. I don’t mean this in a negative way, just that I have trouble, cognitively, realising this. Then I hear about people who travel this path, and they try, and try, and try. They don’t get their happy ending.

I worry that we will be those people. I worry abut what will happen if it DOES work? Obviously, I tend to the obsessive side. Can you imagine how bad I will be if I do eventually get to obsess over a pregnancy?

It saddens me, that I will never get to experience that naivety in regards to TTC and pregnancy. I can never think in terms of when. I have to deal with if.

Mr G is struggling with his disconnection from the whole process. As we have discussed, the actual role of the father in the whole pregnancy thing, is tiny. But as he pointed out to me today, no matter how small, its still crucial. I don’t know what to say, how to ‘fix’ it.

If I had to describe the way I’m feeling at the moment, it’s impatient. I have grown a lot over the last few months, but I am still trying to move beyond the reality that I am a product of the 21st century, and I want everything now.

I want to be ok with the now.

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Getting back on… October 22, 2009

Posted by Natasha in Infertility.
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2 comments

…the horse… the rollercoaster… it’s a choose-your-0wn-metaphor adventure!

We are good to go.

Antagonist cycle, starting as soon as AF arrives. I have never been so eager for this to happen!

I feel like our appointment this morning was a bit of a waste of time really. I have done *so much* reading about IVF, that he didn’t really tell me anything other than his opinion. He also completely failed to acknowledge Mr G, though he did successfully bamboozle him! We were in there for all of 5 minutes. Thank goodness we’re over the safety net now, because the appointment cost us all of $11 (rather than $90). I feel he doesn’t have a lot of faith in us succeeding. He spoke a little about the failed IUI, but wasn’t particularly sympathetic. He keeps talking about follow up appointments, and ‘going again’ in January. It is a good thing we got in when we did, because the story I was told about being able to start an antagonist cycle in December were folly. Really though, I just want to hear some optimism from him! Who knows, if it’s still an issue in the new year, we might look at seeing someone else.

The Safety Net Changes have gone through. I’m not 100% sure what they mean for us, but they have been revised. I think that we will be ok, because I believe that our clinic charges under the 6K cut-off at which the modifications start to apply. Prices of course, are going up. We have an Appointment with Lovely Nurse next Thursday, to sign over an amount of money that would fund a month long OS holiday, and collect a little baggie of drugs.

I’m well on the way to officially being Mrs G now, at least in the eyes of bureaucracy. We received our marriage certificate today, then made the trek to Vic Roads, where I applied for my new license. Nearly 7 months on… I’m getting there!