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Obsession and Trust March 19, 2012

Posted by Natasha in Finally Pregnant!, IVF.
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These last few days have been difficult. The last few of the official TWW, though I don’t have bloods until tomorrow.
This morning and yesterday have both resulted in minutes of anxious heart thumping as I wait for the HPTs to reach their maximum time, willing the line to darken, yet convincing myself it’s not. (spoiler – yesterdays was eventually heaps darker, today’s is slightly darker). There is some variation in the actual test (both of yesterday’s lines were thin and sharp, today’s are thick and fuzzy). Up until now I have been pretty calm. I need to find my zen and trust my body. I have acupuncture tonight, which I am sure will help me to chill the fuck out…
I have a decent amount of queasiness, minor cramping, massive amount of exhaustion/5:00am insomnia, food aversions, super smell… The symptoms are reassuring. But when my body has failed so spectacularly for so long, and only science has saved me, I only have those little pink lines as my guide.

Trust my body.
Let it go.
Nothing bad has happened yet.

Something? Maybe? March 15, 2012

Posted by Natasha in IVF.
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So, the early morning insomnia can be added to the list. And I have no will power, so last night bought a 3 pack of FR ER HPTs. And seeing as I’m wide awake at 5 am, and wouldn’t believe a negative at this early stage, I decided to pee on one.

And I’m not certain – unsure enough that I haven’t even woken mr G… But I think there might be something there. It’s only at a certain angle, under certain light, I wouldn’t even call it pink… But I think I see the beginning of… Something.