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Happy ICLW! November 22, 2009

Posted by Natasha in Infertility.
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Welcome to my little corner of the world 🙂

A more in-depth background story is here, but the short version goes something like this…

Mr G and I have been married since April, but our IF journey started the day after I met him when he told me he could never father children, due to his Klinefelter’s Syndrome (XXY). We decided late last year to use donor sperm, and did an injectable IUI cycle in July/August this year. Clearly, that didn’t work. We moved on to IVF/ICSI (still with donor sperm), and I have ER tomorrow morning, after stimming for 14 days. I am not particularly optimistic, as we were nearly cancelled last week.

We are aiming for a 5dt, and have all our hopes pinned on this working, and us getting some frosties, because otherwise I don’t know when we can do this again.

Nothing like pressure.

Feeling better September 21, 2009

Posted by Natasha in Infertility, Life.
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And, holidays are here!

Truly the best bit about this job, is that I’m never more than 12 weeks away from my next break. Which is just the way it should be!

1 Month and 1 day since the crimson announcement that IUI #1 didn’t work. I think I’ve made some progress.

Today, I decided to lay in the hammock in the sunshine with my beautiful little niece, who promptly fell asleep. This didn’t even make me want to crumple into a ball and cry for a week.

Perhaps its because she, at all of 13 months, is most definitely not a baby any more. Don’t get me wrong, I want a child more than anything else on earth, but my personal trigger for plunging into a deep, dark hole seems to be anything ‘baby’ related.

Or perhaps, it is because in the last month I have made a concerted effort to find other things to obsess over. I’ve been sewing like crazy, I’ve been playing with the camera, and fine tuning my photoshop skills. I have been talking to people outside the ALI world. You know, actually connecting with people face-to-face. Amazing.

We’re not cycling this month. We are moving out of the Outlaws and into the Grandparent Coccoon. This makes me Very Happy. It will be happening this weekend, if Mr. G is feeling healthy again (I of course have been sick for the last fortnight, but now that he has man-flu – OH NOES!!!).

I intend to do some research over the next fortnight about our options re finance for IVF. Otherwise, we will definitely do IUI#2 in October. Right now, I’m just loving September.

ICLW kicks off again today/tomorrow (depending on where you are in the world). Hi to people visiting via there 🙂 I really will try not to be such a puddle of misery this month!!

Thursday! August 27, 2009

Posted by Natasha in Infertility, Life, News and Drivel.
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When did that happen??

I truly do not know where the week has gone. I have had a series of days where it gets to 4pm and I suddenly realise that I haven’t even managed to get to the bathroom.

As far as the crazeh hormones go, I *finally* feel more like myself. AF was the longest it has ever been (7 full days), and I have been a mopey sad sack all week. Can’t imagine what bigger doses will do to me!

I’m not sure what our plan will be for the rest of the year. We’re going to do a dIUI cycle again next month (Sept-Oct) which gives us another chance the next month (Oct-Nov). The question is, will we be able to fit in an IVF this year? Do we skip the Oct-Nov IUI and go straight to IVF? (Can we even afford to do this??)

It seems so silly to have a deadline, but sadly our funds are (of course) heavily restricted, and knowing that we would get back 80% of our out of pocket expenses for IVF, and have some frosties (Please just go with my wishful thinking here) before the Medicare changes kick in in January, would be such a relief.

Advice??

Does it mean I have truly gone loopy and pessimistic to have a plan B, C, and D?

It didn’t work August 20, 2009

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My period just arrived.

Shattering us into a million pieces.

13dpiui… Move along, nothing to see here August 20, 2009

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Haven’t tested this morning, but tested last night, and still nothing.

Had a big cry yesterday. Its just such a horrible feeling.

Will hold out now until AF is definitely late, (not that that is likely to happen – should arrive tomorrow or Saturday).

10dpiui – aka… sigh… August 17, 2009

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Enough said.

Bought a super-sensitive cheapie test (10 whatevers). Still negative.

Hope is fading. I’m sure if I was in line for a BFP I would have seen one by now.

I felt like crying this afternoon, I just feel so bloody miserable.

Eugh.

7dpIUI – aka – so, symptoms, hey? August 14, 2009

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Well, after all my bitching and moaning, I feel a lot better today. Still a little tender, tired, and crampy, but otherwise, considerably asymptomatic.

I don’t know what to think. Part of me wants to test, just in case by some freak of nature there would be a positive, but then the rest of me knows that it would be negative anyway, and I will have to keep re-testing.

I figure the absolute earliest I could get any sort of positive would be Sunday.

Screw it, I think I’ll just do it tomorrow – at 8DPIUI! Madness I know, but I don’t really care.

I don’t know if I really even think it has worked. Mr G thinks yes, I… just don’t know.

I wish I did.

6dpiui – aka – Owww August 13, 2009

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Mah boobs! They hurt!

Also, cramping.

Also, can’t. stop. eating.

Also, can’t. remember. anything.

Also, must. sleep.

One more week until testing. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can…

5dpiui – aka, the biggest whinge I’ve had in ages. August 12, 2009

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One week tomorrow until I test.

Argh, sooo tired (after 9 hours of sleep). Sooo hungry (after 2 lunches and 4 bottles of water). Sooo Irritable. My memory is ridiculous. I walk into rooms and forget why I’m there. A little crampy still, but really I think I’m just thinking these things into existence. I have really sore sinuses, but its probably just dehydration from the heaters. Freezing here today.

This feels an awful lot like PMS.

I’m sitting at my desk, waiting for the bell to go in ten minutes, and I’m really wondering how I’m going to make it home without  a nap.

Work was completely awful today.

When I was having all these issues at the end of last term (when my teaching partner up and left), I was told that I would have lots more support. Well that hasn’t happened. One of the people I teach with now, who is the coordinator, likes to bring her laptop and her marking into the room with her, meaning that I have to teach and control 40 kids. You can imagine how well that works. I am doing 98% of the load that should be shared by 4 people.

I can never get over how incredibly selfish the kids are. I know that sounds crazy, because of course I am talking about year sevens – teenagers – of course they’re bloody selfish, it’s their job! But they are terrible. They can’t even watch a movie that has been put on for them.Soo self righteous, demanding, and obnoxious.

Whinge Whinge Whinge…

I’m going home to see my husband for the first time since Sunday, and to have a sleep.

4dpiui August 11, 2009

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Symptoms mostly gone today. Still a little sore, and a little nauseous, verrrry tired, and feeling a little dizzy when I stand too quickly, but these can all be explained away.

Today, I really don’t feel like it worked.

I’m trying to work out how soon would be at least semi reasonable to test. I think that even as crushed as I will be if I get a BFN, at least I will be able to deal with it.

I hate waiting.