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Windows December 8, 2009

Posted by Natasha in Uncategorized.
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Yesterday, before the ‘but’, I had a strange glimpse into an alternate reality.

I looked around me duringĀ  my staff meeting, at the plentiful number of baby bellies, and I didn’t feel… that feeling. The one where my insides twist themselves into little knots. Instead there was something else. It was almost like wonder. It was almost like being normal.



On a side note…

I know I should stop this dirty little habit that I have… I wake up at a ridiculously early hour, and I need my fix. I lay there, thinking about it.

“What if it isn’t as good as before? What if it doesn’t make me feel the way I want it to? Yeah, but what if it’s so good, it makes you forget about everything else?”

And then, because I can’t help myself, I sneak out of bed, trying not to wake my husband, and I do it.

I pee on a stick.

And this morning, although it was still there, the line had faded.


Positive, But… December 7, 2009

Posted by Natasha in IVF, Uncategorized.
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I’m 12dp2dt (14dpo), and they normally don’t test until 16dpo. It has to be around the 100 mark by Beta #2 on Wednesday, or they start talking scary, terrifying things.

For now, I’m pregnant.

It doesn’t feel the way I thought it would feel.

So we wait.