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Windows December 8, 2009

Posted by Natasha in Uncategorized.
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Yesterday, before the ‘but’, I had a strange glimpse into an alternate reality.

I looked around me duringĀ  my staff meeting, at the plentiful number of baby bellies, and I didn’t feel… that feeling. The one where my insides twist themselves into little knots. Instead there was something else. It was almost like wonder. It was almost like being normal.

Almost.

***

On a side note…

I know I should stop this dirty little habit that I have… I wake up at a ridiculously early hour, and I need my fix. I lay there, thinking about it.

“What if it isn’t as good as before? What if it doesn’t make me feel the way I want it to? Yeah, but what if it’s so good, it makes you forget about everything else?”

And then, because I can’t help myself, I sneak out of bed, trying not to wake my husband, and I do it.

I pee on a stick.

And this morning, although it was still there, the line had faded.

What not to say… August 24, 2009

Posted by Natasha in Infertility, Rants.
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***

Me: I got my beta result today. Negative. Huge surprise there.

Her: Oh, sorry to hear that. If it makes you feel any better, I wish I wasn’t pregnant.

***

(I really wish I had made this conversation up)

*Tag*

What ridiculous things have people said to you?

9dpiui – aka, nothing to see here. August 16, 2009

Posted by Natasha in Infertility.
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Except another single line, and the feeling that AF is on her way.

Becoming doubtful.

Bought a highly recommended pregnancy book, got frustrated because of the ‘diary’ of someone who went off the pill, and ‘oooh, woo’ got pregnant first month trying.

Can’t decide whether to test tomorrow & Tuesday, as Mr G will be away for work.

Sigh.

There’s a baby at the end of this, right?