Windows December 8, 2009
Posted by Natasha in Uncategorized.Tags: "normal", 13dp2dt, 4w1d, IVF, low beta, POAS addicition, pregnancy, those pesky feelings
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Yesterday, before the ‘but’, I had a strange glimpse into an alternate reality.
I looked around me during my staff meeting, at the plentiful number of baby bellies, and I didn’t feel… that feeling. The one where my insides twist themselves into little knots. Instead there was something else. It was almost like wonder. It was almost like being normal.
Almost.
***
On a side note…
I know I should stop this dirty little habit that I have… I wake up at a ridiculously early hour, and I need my fix. I lay there, thinking about it.
“What if it isn’t as good as before? What if it doesn’t make me feel the way I want it to? Yeah, but what if it’s so good, it makes you forget about everything else?”
And then, because I can’t help myself, I sneak out of bed, trying not to wake my husband, and I do it.
I pee on a stick.
And this morning, although it was still there, the line had faded.
