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Ignorance is bliss (7w2d) April 11, 2012

Posted by Natasha in Finally Pregnant!.
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Tomorrow is my ultrasound.

Tomorrow we will find out if there is a real, live baby growing inside me.

Tonight I don’t know.

And I can almost believe that ignorance is bliss.

Positive, But… December 7, 2009

Posted by Natasha in IVF, Uncategorized.
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I’m 12dp2dt (14dpo), and they normally don’t test until 16dpo. It has to be around the 100 mark by Beta #2 on Wednesday, or they start talking scary, terrifying things.

For now, I’m pregnant.

It doesn’t feel the way I thought it would feel.

So we wait.

Days are dragging, weeks are flying. November 15, 2009

Posted by Natasha in Infertility.
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I read a few minutes ago that “we all get our happy endings, its just a matter of when”.

I have trouble believing this.

I’m not sure if I mentioned before, but I have great difficulty reconciling the fact that this might actually work. I don’t mean this in a negative way, just that I have trouble, cognitively, realising this. Then I hear about people who travel this path, and they try, and try, and try. They don’t get their happy ending.

I worry that we will be those people. I worry abut what will happen if it DOES work? Obviously, I tend to the obsessive side. Can you imagine how bad I will be if I do eventually get to obsess over a pregnancy?

It saddens me, that I will never get to experience that naivety in regards to TTC and pregnancy. I can never think in terms of when. I have to deal with if.

Mr G is struggling with his disconnection from the whole process. As we have discussed, the actual role of the father in the whole pregnancy thing, is tiny. But as he pointed out to me today, no matter how small, its still crucial. I don’t know what to say, how to ‘fix’ it.

If I had to describe the way I’m feeling at the moment, it’s impatient. I have grown a lot over the last few months, but I am still trying to move beyond the reality that I am a product of the 21st century, and I want everything now.

I want to be ok with the now.